Thursday, September 3, 2009

Reason Why Men Should Never Do Laundry

I've discovered a valuable lesson in lfe today: never, under any circumstances, should I ever do my own laundry. Ever. No no, this isn't a story about how I accidentally stained my favorite $5 white sweatshirt with fabric softener solution (sorry mom... I know you forked out the big bucks for it at that garage sale)--which, by the way, was the washing machine's fault, not mine. And for the record, the washing machines here are insane. It's hard to describe, but there's an outer case, and inside that case is the actual machine itself. And when it spins, it spins. I'm talking G-Forces here. I preferred not to stand in front of the door as it was spinning due to fear of the door slamming open and various shirts and pants hitting me in the face and killing me. No, I don't think death by flying laundry is the way I'd like to go, thanks.

Anyway, back to why I should never do my own laundry. So, as you all know, I've been going to the gym often this week. Which means my favorite work out shirt, the Pequot Lakes Track Meet shirt (shout out to you Mollie! You should see the pit stains on the beast! Showed those Patriots what it means to mess with a Tiger..) was completely, and utterly, drenched in sweat. The BO from the shirt emanated towards all corners of the Bodypump class today, or at least that's what I think (by the way, Bodypump will also kill me with the Bodycombat class.. I just need to add some actual weights next time). And I would like to work out tomorrow, so I thought a clean shirt would be nice, not only for me, but also for all those poor exercising souls who were around me. And, here at the University, you have to register for a time at the washing machine, and I think you can only register for one time during a week. Which I already did for last Tuesday. You remember, the day the machine stained my favorite $5 sweatshirt.

So, I didn't have any time to register for a machine (and God knows I'm afraid to anyway. That machine is the devil reincarnate), and I needed the shirt washed and dryed by tomorrow morning/afternoon. So what did I decide to do? I had an epiphany while watching a movie on my computer and not doing any homework: why not wash the shirt in my bathroom sink? Clever idea, I know.

So anyway, I first realized that I had to plug the drain, because the drain doesn't move (aka, it doesn't plug itself). I don't have any small washtowels or anything, so I grabbed a large amount of toilet paper, folded it up, and strategically placed it on top of the drain and turned on the water. I added the detergent, which is a powder, making it easy to mix together with water, and threw the shirt in. And I'm scrubbing away, trying to get the shirt as clean as I can. As I pull the shirt out from the water, I notice some yellow on the shirt (well, more yellow than what was on it before), and I peeled it off. Apparently, and I had not realized this, toilet paper eventually disintigrates in water (which is how you are able to flush it. Duh, Jordan. And you're a junior in college in Europe?). So now my shirt is covered in small chunks of wet toilet paper. And the sink is clogged. So here I am, trying to scoop up the bits of toilet paper and chucking them in the toilet. Eventually, I discovered that the drain-clog thing can be pulled out. So I pulled it out, and removed a large wad of toilet paper that was clogging my sink. So now the sink was completely cleaned out. Which is a giant relief.

So now that that was settled, I turned to my poor shirt. I was way too lazy to comb the shirt, looking for toilet paper, so I threw it in the shower and turned it on. Eventually, the shirt was free from toilet paper, and I wrung the crap out of it to get it as dry as possible. (Note: the shower is also spot-free, which is also a relief). Now the shirt is on a hanger, hanging in front of my open window. I hope it's dry by tomorrow. And that it smells good. Otherwise, I went through all that stress for nothing.

So now you know why I should never do laundry again for myself, or for others. It's a disaster waiting to happen.

(My poor shirt. It never knew what was coming.)

1 comment:

  1. Hahaha. You're a borderline idiot, just like me. Even I know what happens when you put toilet paper in water. It's basically the same thing as when you forget a piece of paper in one of your jeans pockets and throw it into the washing machine. Nasty result! On the bright side - now you know!